Claire’s Grade One end-of-year writing sample
Writing Prompt: Finish this story: The waves crashed against the sand. I plopped my pack down and spread out my towel. It was going to be a wonder day. Just then…
My little brother pulled the towel out from under me and I fell face first in the sand. The hot gritty sand tasted salty. I could hear Sam laughing and I was getting madder by the minute. Suddenly I felt something moving by my cheek. When I wiped the sand off my face I saw a nest of sea turtle eggs. Baby sea turtles were hatching out of blue speckled eggs. The minute they hatched they ran right to the ocean. I forgot about my family on the beach and followed the sea turtles into the ocean. I looked down to see the bottom of the ocean and realized I had a mermaid tail. I swam with the sea turtles. We saw red coral dolphins and angel fish. The water was blue and clear. We had fun! Suddenly I remembered my family on the beach. As I swam toward the beach my tail disappeared. I walked up on the beach and my family wondered where I had been I laughed but never told them about my secret adventure with the sea turtle.
Tremendous growth over a one year time span.
Beginning, Middle, End
Elaborative Detail including: Who Where What, 5 senses lessons, modeled segments
The student clearly has a strong beginning, middle, and end sequence along with transitional words – Suddenly… the minute they hatched…as I swam toward the beach my tail disappeared – effectively ending the adventure
Evidence of elaboration using the 5 senses – The hot gritty sand tasted salty. Baby sea turtles were hatching out of blue speckled eggs. I saw red coral, dolphins and angel fish. The water was blue and clear.
In the middle of the story there is a mix of action description, and thoughts: I wiped the sand off my face. I looked down to see the bottom of the ocean and realized I had a mermaid tail. I swam with the sea turtles. The water was blue and clear. Suddenly I remembered my family on the beach.
A bit of suspense using the word Suddenly as a red flag word.